My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
