Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
