We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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