a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
