ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
