During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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