Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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