You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
