Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
