You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
