:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I intend to get homeless drunk
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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