Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
