so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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