after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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