You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
