thus making me awesome and them whores
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
