North Korea, Best Korea!
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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