he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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