All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
