It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
