weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
