TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
