would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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