best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
