Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
