WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
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There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
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He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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