two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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