So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
