I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
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It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
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How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize