I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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