You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
