I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
