Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
