I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
