Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
