Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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