why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
