and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm not coming to work today because tequila