hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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