the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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