My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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