Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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