Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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