I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
