I think I died a long time ago.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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