My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
We named our party play list daddy issues
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You made out with two different species that night
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
