I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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