I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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