like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
