Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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