i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
