Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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