That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
