Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You were trust falling into bushes
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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