Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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