So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
