i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
did i just pee glitter
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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